I felt similar feelings of coming home when I went to Hawaii and met mixed races. Growing up in New Zealand, there were not a lot of mixed race kids, and where I lived hardly any Asians.
So to go to Hawaii and be in the minority for only being half, instead of a sprinkle of that, a touch of this and a dollop of that was surreal.
I never felt like I did fit in either until I got a mixed friend in my last year of High School. She was half Asian like me and we liked the same music and taste in clothes - which was a mix of all the people around us. We were a swirl, not just vanilla or caramel.
Thank you for opening up with your experiences. It helps us to recognise and heal some parts of our past too. 💕
"We were a swirl, not just vanilla or caramel." 🥹 what a beautiful metaphor!
YES, arriving in Hawaii felt familiar to me despite having never been there before.
my husband and I hope to raise mixed kids of our own and I often wonder how they'll navigate the world being half of each of us – he's Caucasian. a big part of why I love the Bay Area is that there's meaningful representation of "halfies" here. representation matters so much!
great reflections. its interesting experiencing some of these cultural differences in our own home now but luckily having the awareness to understand what we are dealing with. appreciate this sharing!
in a lot of ways, I'm excited that I get to pioneer another new family dynamic with Ryan in raising bi-racial kids – excited to learn from you & Angie! I often wonder what identity challenges our future children will be up against when they grapple with not looking like either mom or dad
What a beautiful piece Cissy. I found myself resonating with bits of common points having grown up Mexican American and having lived in the Bay Area. It is delightful to read the city named after Saint Francis helped pave the way inward. If you haven't already, I hope you'll contemplate his works. I believe you would find yourself further at home. Well done and my best to you.
I love hearing the parallel that you experienced navigating your identity in the Bay too – feels special to share that :) I haven't dug into his work, but I just did some research and saw that he represents justice, peace, and presence. feels very fitting!
do you have any recommendations on specific works that you love?
Francis' Canticle of the Sun is well worth the read. Light of Assisi by Margaret Carney I would recommend. It is focused on Claire of Assisi's life (she is the reason why Santa Clara is named so.), it brought a new dimension for me in how I see Francis. Would highly recommend checking out both.
This pursuit of belonging is so real!! I’m also going to be going back to China this year in November and similarly and hoping for some healing around my Chinese identity <3 and also have been wondering how much me looking different from my peers in elementary school gave me this deep fear of not being fully accepted by anyone … thanks for sharing Cissy <3
Kelly – so excited for you to embark on your roots journey in November! I know you've been doing a ton of inner work – it was amazing to see how much of the work manifested being back as an older, more introspective version of myself. Can't wait for you to reunite with little Kelly 🤍
Thank you for sharing this piece - it is written with so much honesty <3 I grew up in Hong Kong, but have been in the states since college. After living in NY, LA, and now SF, there's definitely a unique sense of belonging I feel in the Bay that I couldn't find in other parts of America.
Cissy, Thanks for sharing your experiences with us! What a great piece of writing! No matter what, everyone lives in a complex enviroment. I was born and lived in a small town in China for about 15 years. Seems to be an homogeonous society, but I felt completely different from many other kids. You are luck to have the wonderful opportunity to experience the cultures around you, which is valuable to your life ahead. Navigating the space among cultures can be both enriching and challenging. Each has a vibrant community with its own traditions, values, and history, while also has different expectations and norms. By embracing your cultural heritage, seeking understanding, and fostering connections within your culture, you can find a sense of home among the different cultures. Amazingly, all cultures are similar, that is seeking beautiful life; all share a common desire to find meaning, joy, and fulfillment in our lives. Enjoy your life ahead of you!
Cissy, I'm so glad I came across your essay here. I kept nodding my head as I read your succinctly written and vulnerably shared thoughts about your relationship with your ethnic heritage.
I'm going to list my favorite sentences that I resonate with below, and there are so many!
-To be American was everything I was not.
-If only they were more American and less Chinese, they’d understand me.
-my subtle resentment for my parents and my heritage were deeply entangled, further exacerbated by our generational friction.
-our relationship was mired with cultural nuances that, as a teenager, I had no appreciation for, and as immigrants, my parents had no words to communicate as they raised me in a culture they barely knew.
-We were trying to pioneer an entirely new family dynamic: one that blended cultural intricacies with generational complexities in a time in my parents’ life when they were just trying to survive.
-[This made me giggle} There were subtle reminders too: like our remote controls wrapped in saran wrap, a dishwasher repurposed as a drying rack, a strict no shoes in the house policy — and not so subtle ones like the intense focus on performing at school and the belief that failure was not an option.
-I looked around at my Caucasian friends who had parents who were largely hands off. They had relationships with their parents that I envied. I often thought, Why can’t we just be a “normal” family?
-A journey that led me to repairing my relationship with my heritage and my parents
Even though my family left China and first settled in Hong Kong before coming to America, I can still resonate with many of the culural adaptations/maladaptations you mentioned here. Thank you for expressing what I have been struggling to express all these years.
First of all, beautifully written.
I felt similar feelings of coming home when I went to Hawaii and met mixed races. Growing up in New Zealand, there were not a lot of mixed race kids, and where I lived hardly any Asians.
So to go to Hawaii and be in the minority for only being half, instead of a sprinkle of that, a touch of this and a dollop of that was surreal.
I never felt like I did fit in either until I got a mixed friend in my last year of High School. She was half Asian like me and we liked the same music and taste in clothes - which was a mix of all the people around us. We were a swirl, not just vanilla or caramel.
Thank you for opening up with your experiences. It helps us to recognise and heal some parts of our past too. 💕
"We were a swirl, not just vanilla or caramel." 🥹 what a beautiful metaphor!
YES, arriving in Hawaii felt familiar to me despite having never been there before.
my husband and I hope to raise mixed kids of our own and I often wonder how they'll navigate the world being half of each of us – he's Caucasian. a big part of why I love the Bay Area is that there's meaningful representation of "halfies" here. representation matters so much!
thanks for sharing your experiences ❤️
Feeling very seen - thank you for sharing! <3
here's to doing the work to hold up mirrors for one another ❤️
great reflections. its interesting experiencing some of these cultural differences in our own home now but luckily having the awareness to understand what we are dealing with. appreciate this sharing!
in a lot of ways, I'm excited that I get to pioneer another new family dynamic with Ryan in raising bi-racial kids – excited to learn from you & Angie! I often wonder what identity challenges our future children will be up against when they grapple with not looking like either mom or dad
What a beautiful piece Cissy. I found myself resonating with bits of common points having grown up Mexican American and having lived in the Bay Area. It is delightful to read the city named after Saint Francis helped pave the way inward. If you haven't already, I hope you'll contemplate his works. I believe you would find yourself further at home. Well done and my best to you.
I love hearing the parallel that you experienced navigating your identity in the Bay too – feels special to share that :) I haven't dug into his work, but I just did some research and saw that he represents justice, peace, and presence. feels very fitting!
do you have any recommendations on specific works that you love?
Francis' Canticle of the Sun is well worth the read. Light of Assisi by Margaret Carney I would recommend. It is focused on Claire of Assisi's life (she is the reason why Santa Clara is named so.), it brought a new dimension for me in how I see Francis. Would highly recommend checking out both.
thank ya! added to the reading queue 🔖
This pursuit of belonging is so real!! I’m also going to be going back to China this year in November and similarly and hoping for some healing around my Chinese identity <3 and also have been wondering how much me looking different from my peers in elementary school gave me this deep fear of not being fully accepted by anyone … thanks for sharing Cissy <3
Kelly – so excited for you to embark on your roots journey in November! I know you've been doing a ton of inner work – it was amazing to see how much of the work manifested being back as an older, more introspective version of myself. Can't wait for you to reunite with little Kelly 🤍
This is lovely. Thanks for sharing.
appreciate you reading, Jeff :)
Thank you for sharing this piece - it is written with so much honesty <3 I grew up in Hong Kong, but have been in the states since college. After living in NY, LA, and now SF, there's definitely a unique sense of belonging I feel in the Bay that I couldn't find in other parts of America.
so glad this piece resonated with you, Justin :) I love that you've found home in the Bay too – for all it's flaws, there's something so special here
Cissy! This is so beautiful!
I swear I’m not crying ♥️ Thank you for sharing - can’t wait to hear more when we catch up!
Mary! grateful for you & your support ALWAYS ❤️
Cissy, Thanks for sharing your experiences with us! What a great piece of writing! No matter what, everyone lives in a complex enviroment. I was born and lived in a small town in China for about 15 years. Seems to be an homogeonous society, but I felt completely different from many other kids. You are luck to have the wonderful opportunity to experience the cultures around you, which is valuable to your life ahead. Navigating the space among cultures can be both enriching and challenging. Each has a vibrant community with its own traditions, values, and history, while also has different expectations and norms. By embracing your cultural heritage, seeking understanding, and fostering connections within your culture, you can find a sense of home among the different cultures. Amazingly, all cultures are similar, that is seeking beautiful life; all share a common desire to find meaning, joy, and fulfillment in our lives. Enjoy your life ahead of you!
"Amazingly, all cultures are similar"
❤️ ❤️
Cissy, I'm so glad I came across your essay here. I kept nodding my head as I read your succinctly written and vulnerably shared thoughts about your relationship with your ethnic heritage.
I'm going to list my favorite sentences that I resonate with below, and there are so many!
-To be American was everything I was not.
-If only they were more American and less Chinese, they’d understand me.
-my subtle resentment for my parents and my heritage were deeply entangled, further exacerbated by our generational friction.
-our relationship was mired with cultural nuances that, as a teenager, I had no appreciation for, and as immigrants, my parents had no words to communicate as they raised me in a culture they barely knew.
-We were trying to pioneer an entirely new family dynamic: one that blended cultural intricacies with generational complexities in a time in my parents’ life when they were just trying to survive.
-[This made me giggle} There were subtle reminders too: like our remote controls wrapped in saran wrap, a dishwasher repurposed as a drying rack, a strict no shoes in the house policy — and not so subtle ones like the intense focus on performing at school and the belief that failure was not an option.
-I looked around at my Caucasian friends who had parents who were largely hands off. They had relationships with their parents that I envied. I often thought, Why can’t we just be a “normal” family?
-A journey that led me to repairing my relationship with my heritage and my parents
Even though my family left China and first settled in Hong Kong before coming to America, I can still resonate with many of the culural adaptations/maladaptations you mentioned here. Thank you for expressing what I have been struggling to express all these years.