Atlas for the inward bound

A Christmas gift and reflections on an annual tradition

Photo credit: Greg Rakozy

Merry Christmas! I hope this essay finds you cozied up, reflecting on the past year and celebrating the holiday season.

Thank you all for your support following my announcement last week! I’m incredibly grateful for your confidence in me whether that be subscribing as a paid supporter or spreading the word.

If you’ve been contemplating upgrading, subscribe by January 1st to lock in 20% off for a full year ($79/year or ~$7/month) 🎊

Starting in 2024, paid supporters will receive:

• Weekly essays: essays with a more intimate behind the scenes view into my journey inward as well as tactical thoughts in the form of guides (think: How to Sabbatical) and templates (think: Annual Recalibration)

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‘tis my season of reflection. This time of year, my days are spent reading through my journal entries from the last 365 days, meditating on the main themes that have emerged, and setting intentions for the identities that I want to call in for the new year.

On Christmas Day, I take a break from reflecting and spend the day completing a 1000-piece puzzle with my husband, Ryan — a tradition we started in 2020 when traveling home to see our parents wasn’t an option.

In the spirit of the season for turning inward and as a thank you for supporting my writing, I’m gifting you with a Christmas present to support you in your journey walking back towards yourself — your freest, truest self.

🫀Atlas for the Inward Bound

I’ve curated a collection of 100+ essays exploring our inner and outer worlds, written by several of my favorite introspective writers.

I’m excited to share Atlas for the Inward Bound.

snapshot of the Atlas

The reading list is broken out by topics that I’ve grappled with as I’ve become more myself — from developing intuition to forging my sense of self to honing conviction around change to pleasing others to navigating friendships to finding my people.

The greatest gift I’ve given myself is finding ways to see myself more clearly and orienting my life force towards a path of alignment and aliveness. While this particular season of life has brought on swells of uncertainty, it’s also the season I finally learned to surrender to the waves and trust that the surf will bring me to shore.

[On my journey navigating uncharted waters], I’ve turned to these writers’ words for solace and found myself captivated as their lives unfolded before me. As I searched for myself, their stories created new reference points for me and their acts of self-expression inspired change within me.
— Introspection through written word

If you’re navigating the unknown, I hope this Atlas serves as the bridge to help you reach solid footing. Borrow from my (and these other writers’) confidence that you are the compass you need in the journey towards your next horizon.

The Atlas features the works of

Andy Johns

,

Ashley Zhang

,

Ava

,

Crystal Duan

,

Elaine

,

Henrik Karlsson

,

Isabel

,

Kasra

,

Matt Yao

,

Nix 🕊

,

Patricia

,

Paul Millerd

,

Sasha Chapin

, and

Sherry Ning

.

the pieces are coming together

Before Christmas of 2020, I thought puzzles were a waste of time. What was the point of spending your day sitting around 1000 tiny cardboard pieces, putting them together just to take it all apart? My disdain for puzzles spoke to my inability to slow down and simply be. I was wired to always be moving, to always be in motion. The thought of sitting down to do effectively nothing gave me anxiety.

So, when Ryan suggested we do the Grand Canyon puzzle that I’d gotten for him (thinking we could do it with our families one day…eventually), I acquiesced given there was literally nothing to do on Christmas that first year of COVID. Imagine my surprise as revelations began emerging over the next 12 hours as we lazily (then intensely) put together the Grand Canyon while Love Actually and Home Alone 2 played in the background.

Here are edited snippets from my journal dated December 26, 2020:

start with the end in mind

At the start of the puzzle, there’s a lot of low-hanging fruit. Border pieces. Bright pieces. Orienting ourselves to the landscape we’re navigating was worth the extra time it took before digging in. In life, this isn’t always possible, but when it is: taking time upfront to define our constraints as best we can will allow us to move more quickly towards the path we’re seeking.

start small and start focused

Once the map is defined, start with the next most obvious pieces and constrain the territory. Staying small and focused allows for us to turn our attention to the exact pieces we need vs scouring the table for various pieces. It’s much easier to build momentum when the weight is small then trying to kick a boulder into motion.

go it together

Oftentimes, Ryan was searching for one specific piece that was obviously on my side and vice versa. It was only once he articulated what he was looking for that I could hand it to him and give him the satisfaction of unlocking a new section of the puzzle. Clearly articulate what I’m seeking and the universe (or my puzzle partner) just may deliver. Plus, going it together — as long as it’s communicated effectively — almost always enabled us to move further than if we were going it alone.

walk away and come back

In particular moments of momentum, I’d find myself saying, just one more piece then I’ll take a break. Over and over again. I’d then intently search for a piece that was right in front of me. In these moments, I found I was better off walking away, taking a break to defocus, and returning with the forest in mind. With any pursuit we’re committed to, it’s easy to find ourselves looking down, moving from tree to tree, and forgetting to look up to see the vastness of the forest before us.

sometimes, completing the mission requires acts of brute force

In instances where we’re working with a blue sky or green meadow or nearing the end of the puzzle, brute force aka trying every puzzle piece to see if it fits is the only option. In certain seasons in life, the only way to find the missing puzzle piece is trying every alternative possible. The important thing is knowing when it’s time to brute force and when I’d be better off walking away.

23 essays in 2023

As I wrap up the year and celebrate one year of writing on Substack, I’m grateful for this space to share with you what’s on my heart. Writing with an intent to publish has become a meaningful part of my process of turning inward, dancing with my deepest shadows, and processing it all through written word. I hope my words have helped you feel seen.

In 2023:

• I traded goal setting for identity aligning.

• I felt 49 feelings as I celebrated four years in San Francisco.

• I did hard things with good people.

• I grappled with slowing down to speed up in a particularly intense season of work.

• I began to see myself for what I could be.

• I explored our relationship to work and self-expression, who we are without work, diversified my identity, pursued work as an act of self-expression, and learned how to sabbatical.

• I found peace in ten days of silence.

• I contemplated our modern (content) diet.

• I ran 26.2 miles in solitude towards aliveness.

• I role played my way to new identities.

• ⭐️ I released a lifetime of shoulds.

• ⭐️ I danced with my shadows.

• ⭐️ I introspected through written word.

• I explored knowledge work as an emotional act and learned to embrace my emotions while working.

• ⭐️ I kicked off my annual recalibration.

• ⭐️ I surrendered to the unknown.

• ⭐️ I announced More Myself is getting a glow up.

* Starred essays were the most popular of the year.

Thank you for being here and giving me the gift of being seen.

Let me know in the comments how you’re spending your holidays or what essays you’re reading. Or say hi on Twitter. See you in the new year :)

Thanks to Ryan for reviewing a draft of this essay and to

Elaine

for sharing essay recommendations.