Trading goal setting for identity aligning

take a stand for your identity

Tahoe National Forest — July 2022

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a devotee of setting annual goals. It’s become a ritual to mark the passage of time where I welcome each new year with boundless enthusiasm for what’s possible in the next 365 days.

For the last few years, I’ve implemented my Annual Recalibration each December to reflect on who I’ve become over the past year. It’s an opportunity to find my way back to myself and take a moment to tune into the person I want to become.

As a part of the process, I review how my goals panned out that year. I found that while I largely accomplished all the goals I set out to achieve, I often felt a sense of resistance when I reflected on my journey of reaching the destination. The goals felt binary rather than transformative. Did I accomplish the goal? Yes? Great, move on with my life and onto the next.

I was so focused on getting there that I forgot to enjoy it along the way. So during my 2022 Recalibration, I added a new lens to my reflection:

• Was it fun along the way?

• Has reaching that goal transformed who I am?

More often than I’d like to admit, legs of the journey felt like a slog rather than a playful experiment. This realization led me to deeply rethink my approach — enter: identity aligning.

Aligning your intentions with your identity

Goal setting is inherently about defining what we want to achieve with a secondary emphasis on who we aspire to become. If we don’t have a clear sense of the person we want to grow into, how can we know what we want over the long term? Over time, I’ve found myself becoming detached from goals that a past me set - some no longer relevant, others no longer motivating.

I’ve always subscribed to Murray Newlands’ quote, “Be stubborn about your goals, but flexible about your methods,” but with my shift towards identity, I began to question the validity of being stubborn about my goals.

In reality, shouldn’t we be stubborn about the identities we’re stepping into and flexible about the goals that get us there?

I’ll give you an example using an identity and goal I’m picking back up after a few years:

• Identity: I’m a strong, consistent athlete and runner

• Goal: run the 6 world major marathons

I started my marathon journey in earnest in 2018 after years of running on and off. It took months of training before I felt comfortable stepping into the identity of a “marathoner.” While to everyone else, it was very clear I was a marathoner (who else runs a 26.2 mile race?), I didn’t feel I quite earned the title until I was clocking long 20-milers towards the end of my training. I was so focused on getting to the finish line that season that as soon as I could officially check Boston Marathon off my list, I stopped running…for a long time.

I completed my goal and no longer felt the urge to get outside for runs even though I loved running. Fast forward to my second marathon, the same story played out. After months of getting back into training, I crossed the finish line in Berlin, checked it off my list, and deprioritized running again.

This year, I’m approaching marathon training differently. Rather than focus so intently on the goal of crossing the finish line, my priority is to be a strong and consistent athlete and runner. Each day, I think about what an athlete and runner would do rather than what I need to do to complete my workout.

Would someone who is a strong, consistent athlete and runner skip today’s workout? In the past, if I skipped a workout, I’d be disappointed in myself for lack of discipline. Now, I think more holistically about the other factors in my life. Why do I want to skip this workout?

• Is it because I feel a lack of motivation?

• Is it because I overdid yesterday’s workout and need an easy workout today to recover?

Rather than skipping the day’s workout altogether like I previously might, I focus on strength training, doing yoga, or going on a long walk. Moving my body consistently is the focus, not just grinding out the miles.

Getting real with yourself

Stepping into a new identity requires being honest with yourself about what limiting beliefs are holding you back. It’s about admitting to yourself the type of person you want to become regardless of how unattainable it may feel. It’s about getting to know yourself better. Pursuing ambitions from the lens of identity first, goals second.

Start the hard conversation with yourself and sit with the discomfort, the excitement, all of it.

🪖 The Hard Questions

• What am I scared to do? What have I postponed doing?

• Where do I feel out of alignment in my life?

• What judgments and beliefs do I hold about who I want to become?

• Where do I need permission to get started?

👋🏻 Farewell

Take a few moments to thank the old you for doing its best to protect the younger you. There’s a reason why we once clung to these identities, beliefs, and habits. Express gratitude for all their service and bid them farewell.

• What existing identities am I shedding?

• What beliefs no longer serve me?

• What habits no longer serve me?

🧑🏻‍🎤 Identity Defining

• What identities am I calling in for 2023?

• Why do I want to embody these identities?

• What aligned actions do I need to take?

• What’s this identity’s day to day routine look like?

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If you’re based in the Bay Area and are interested in reflecting on identity aligning with a group of thoughtful humans, join us on Sunday, January 8th, from 12-2PM.

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