Elevating AAPI voices

a compilation of essays & a directory of writers

Shanghai — April 2024

As Asian American & Pacific Islander (AAPI) Heritage Month comes to an end, I’m excited to share a piece that encapsulates the arc of my journey, wrestling with my “otherness” and finding my voice — except this time, it’s largely centered around the words and stories of others. 

It's a compilation of words and writers I've stumbled upon over the years, each confronting their own truths as they grappled with their relationships with themselves, their identities, their heritages, and their purposes in pursuit of acceptance and belonging.

In each of their stories, they illuminate the path to belonging: to belong to others starts with first learning to accept and belong to ourselves.

The path toward flourishing begins by seeing all parts of ourselves clearly, especially the parts we’ve suppressed and exiled. While we all ultimately traverse the journey back home alone, the pilgrimage becomes infinitely easier when we encounter others who have lost and found themselves on similar trails, paving the way forward.

While the intention of this piece is to elevate AAPI voices, I hope that regardless of what heritage you hail from, this collection shines a light on the notion that the most shameful parts of ourselves are not ours alone.

There are humans in this world that are dancing with the same shadows and seeking liberation from the same triggers as you. You are not alone.

My own journey of grappling with my Chinese American identity began at the height of anti-Asian hate several years ago. For the first time, I came to terms with the reality that I’d been suppressing my Chinese American identity. The fact that people who looked like me were being targeted, hurt, and killed lit a fire in me that has only intensified with time.

It’s led me to heal my relationship with my heritage, recognize that at the crux of my tumultuous relationship with my parents was shame for our culture, and learn to repair my relationship with them. Healing these relationships has been the most meaningful work of my life.

I hope that by elevating AAPI voices (and beyond), more and more of us can embark on healing suppressed parts to come home to ourselves.

Over time, I intend to grow this collection, adding essays and writers as I stumble upon them. If there’s a writer who has spoken to you, I’d love to read their pieces — recommend them in the comments!

Essays

A collection of words that have reverberated within the depths of my soul.

A Letter to My Younger Asian American Self —

Julie Zhuo

You belong, for this land is the land of immigrants. The contradictions are what give our country its soul. The differences are humanity expressing all its shades. It may be hard to see this now, but you don’t need to be ashamed of your story. Don’t be afraid to reveal yourself. What you’ll find, over and over again, is that there is always more that connects us than separates us.

You may not believe me now, but the second skin you’ve lived with for most of your life will wear thin like the soles of your shoes as you traverse the mountains and valleys ahead. One day — you won’t even notice when exactly — it’ll disappear entirely. And then you will be free. Not from your heritage or past, but from the narrative cage you’ve been stuck in all these years.

Mother Tongue — Amy Tan

Lately, I've been giving more thought to the kind of English my mother speaks. Like others, I have described it to people as 'broken" or "fractured" English. But I wince when I say that. It has always bothered me that I can think of no way to describe it other than "broken," as if it were damaged and needed to be fixed, as if it lacked a certain wholeness and soundness. I've heard other terms used, "limited English," for example. But they seem just as bad, as if everything is limited, including people's perceptions of the limited English speaker.

I know this for a fact, because when I was growing up, my mother's "limited" English limited my perception of her. I was ashamed of her English. I believed that her English reflected the quality of what she had to say. That is, because she expressed them imperfectly her thoughts were imperfect. And I had plenty of empirical evidence to support me: the fact that people in department stores, at banks, and at restaurants did not take her seriously, did not give her good service, pretended not to understand her, or even acted as if they did not hear her.

I Got My Name From Connie Chung. So Did They. — Connie Wang

America today looks very different from when Connie Chung was born, or even when my family immigrated. Young Asian Americans may never experience the same type of loneliness that Ms. Chung did, or the longing that my mother harbored for the assurance that things might be okay, that her daughters would have a fighting chance in ways that she had given up on for herself.

None of this is enough to declare victory; the hurdles remain so high for so many. But it is a small triumph that I can now imagine my child looking back with curiosity on the days when a single news anchor could matter so, so much.

How do I recover from being whitewashed? —

Stephanie Jucar Cooley

I read white, I watched white, I listened to white. As difficult and embarrassing as it is to write this now, I admit — I wanted to be white.

Perhaps the answer to my question in the headline of this newsletter, “how do I recover from being whitewashed?” is aimed toward forgiveness. I recover by forgiving myself for simply wanting to fit in. I now hold a responsibility to model kindness and curiosity with my mixed race children. Neither of them are “white passing” and they have many of my physical features. I hope they find more beauty in their skin and where their ancestors are from — from both their father’s side and mine — with the help of us being mindful of what they consume.

To All the Asian Men I Never Loved — I’m Sorry — May Pang

“It’s just a preference. I’m not racist against my own race,” I would say defensively.

A preference that not a single one of over a billion Asian men could fulfill. I still shake my head at how ludicrous that sounds. The brainwashing is so insidious because I had never even realized there was something wrong. The biggest problem with this “preference”?

It’s not a preference. It’s racism.

The Importance of Feeling Seen —

Brina Patel

Representation urges us to ask the difficult, traditionally avoided questions. And when done right, it gives us permission to reclaim and fully lean into those parts of ourselves we’ve tucked away.

When we see ourselves in characters or public figures, we begin to crack away at the walls of shame that have kept us — and the generations before us — from embracing who we are. Representation also makes the seemingly impossible feel possible. When we see someone else do what we always thought we “shouldn’t” do, we realize we’re capable, too.

The Audacity to Wave 'Em Off —

Dave Lu

Jeremy Lin is as close to a real-life superhero as any Asian American has ever had, because he transcended his Asian identity. People of all colors, ages and backgrounds were rooting for this kid because it was an impossible story. Impossible because he was an Asian kid from Harvard that wasn’t even supposed to be in the NBA (in the minds of many). Jeremy made Asian Americans feel seen in a way we’ve never been seen before in our own country. He made people feel visible who’ve always felt invisible and forced to blend into the background.

Raising biracial kids as a 1.5 generation American —

Jenna Park

…being a 1.5 generation Asian American: the perpetual internal and external questioning of where you belong and where you don’t, of not being enough of one culture or the other. For someone who came to the U.S. as young as I did, I often felt like I was neither a first generation or a native born American. But even the term “1.5” asserts a state of in-betweeness within an already liminal existence as an immigrant. When you don’t have any memories of your home country and never fully constructed sentences in that language, do those years even count?

Admit it...are you jealous of Gen Z? —

Anita Bhagwandas

To have seen somebody like this growing up, representing their culture in their own way on a national beauty campaign would have been a game changer for me and I’m so glad it’s finally here. But I do need to be honest and admit that seeing this advert made me feel something else too - and that’s grief. Because I wish wholeheartedly that I'd grown up in a time when difference had been celebrated, especially during those impactful formative years that never quite leave you. 

My Asian Identity Has Been Giving Me Writer's Block —

Nancy Fann-Im

It wasn't until recently, however, that I noticed a sea change occurring. The number of Asian surnames on bylines has multiplied in the past five years – I marvel each time I see one at the library. Ruth Ozeki. Celeste Ng. Ted Chiang. Min Jin Lee. Susie Yang. My middle school-aged daughter is reading books by Grace Lin, Kelly Yang, and Marie Lu. No one ever said it wasn't possible for someone like me to write fiction, but now I realize I had no models to follow while I was growing up. Nonfiction came easy for me because I got to write as myself. Fiction was much harder; I didn’t know who I should be writing as.

Each time I sat down to think through a story, I'd be stalled by the lack of a clear picture of the main character. Would my protagonist have to be of Taiwanese descent, as I am? If she weren’t, would the story be inauthentic, coming from me? If she were, would the story have to be all about her identity and how it defines her?

Writers

A directory of AAPI Substack writers who write about navigating the in between, world-building, flourishing, becoming more human, building & creating, culture & heritage, and beyond.

on navigating the in between

on flourishing & building new worlds

on living & being human

on building & creating

on culture, heritage, and beauty

Thanks to

Tiffany Chu

and

Victoria

for inspiring me to kick off this project and to

Michelle Elisabeth Varghese

,

Zefan

, and

Rachel Ooi

for recommending writers whose words have touched you.

Have a recommendation for a writer or an essay? Let me know in the comments :)